i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
