There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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