i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's always time for handjobs
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
