So drunk its hurt
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I stole a fireplace last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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