yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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