I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
