My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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