You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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