You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
