apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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