wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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