Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
