it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
