He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
