they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
