i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
