sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
