Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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