im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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