she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
