can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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