dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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