I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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