wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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