Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
