which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
