I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
