sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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