There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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