I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
