I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
