did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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