Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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