I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
