the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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