when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
