doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
