It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
