i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
