is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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