Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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