I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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