we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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