Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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