Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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