Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize