So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
