So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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