My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Are my feet made of real feet?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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