My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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