One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
