Please, let me fuck your mom
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
