if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
