he puts the penis in happiness.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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