i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
