good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
