Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
