Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You don't make any sense
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