so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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