now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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