You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dicks are not precious.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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