Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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