I didn't shave. On purpose
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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