Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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