i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
