I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
