I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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