Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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