you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
