how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
