Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk is a universal language darling
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