Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
