I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is wine microwaveable?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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