yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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