I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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