So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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