i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
