there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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