I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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