So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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