More tranny stories later!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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