I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Enjoy the penises
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
