Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
