My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
