I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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