We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
