She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
